Does confidence make you more attractive?

Gina (No)

Many argue that confidence is key in making a person attractive, but social psychology tells us differently. Confidence alone does not make one more attractive, as confidence is subjective. What one person calls confidence, another could construe as arrogance. When one has or displays a superiority complex or an inflated ego, it often turns people off to them, making them seem unappealing. 

Talent, appearance, and skill attract us to people as well, of which confidence is only a byproduct of those traits. Confidence without the skills or expertise to back it up is off-putting because it seems inauthentic. It may be attractive initially to observe someone acting so sure of themselves, but it ultimately fades to reveal a person who is not as genuine as they once appeared. Psychological coach and consultant Sile Walsh calls emotional intelligence (EI) “the new sexy.” EI is measured, in part, by empathy, self-regulation, self-awareness, compassion, kindness, and resilience. The more of these traits a person has, the more attractive they are to others. 

Furthermore, one university study found that women find humor to be an attractive trait in a man. The study showed us that the more a man made a woman laugh, the more romantically interested she became. Humor has been shown to build confidence, proving that it’s not the confidence that makes you attractive but rather the attributes that create confidence. 

Celebrities like Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato have shared their struggles with confidence. Despite this, these two women were incredibly attractive even when they had no or low confidence, proving that confidence is not the sole factor determining one's attractiveness. Conversely, being honest about oneself demonstrates a person's humility, trust, and vulnerability, which could attract the right people who value them as they are. 

Mark (Yes)

Confidence is undeniably one if not the most attractive quality a person can possess. It indicates that you have an elevated sense of self-worth and won’t settle for less than the standards you have set for yourself. It gives others the impression that you are a “catch,” and that anyone who gets your attention must be exceptional in some way. As with virtually anything else, confidence is an “energy.” It means that you exude an aura that others find exciting and magnetic.  

Studies have shown that confidence is synonymous with positivity and optimism, which are traits others generally find attractive in a potential suitor. People are naturally drawn to those who lift their spirits and make them feel better about themselves. It is no surprise that studies have shown how confidence is something women, in particular, find highly attractive. Commonly, people with many admirers are seen to be more appealing and attractive to others. People are naturally competitive and love vying for and, later, hopefully, earning someone’s affection. A way to attract more suitors is to display an unflappable confidence that uplifts others, not just yourself.  

Contrary to what some may think, confidence is not mutually exclusive with arrogance or vanity. In fact, research has shown that genuine confidence is more commonly found in people who display empathetic and sincere behavior. Real confidence, not overconfidence, is actually indicative of humility and kindness. When people were asked what quality made them fall in love with their partner, self-confidence was the answer most frequently given. So if you’re looking for love, love yourself first; odds are, someone else will too.